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Monday, October 5, 2015

Creating love through self-forgiveness

So I'm one of those people many like to classify as a perfectionist. If you looked at my desk you might not say that. But I can tell you that my number one subject to perfect has always been myself. A completely UN-achievable goal of course. But only when I use the word "perfectionist" I don't really need to be perfect but boy do I despise screwing up. Therefore I'm slight obsessed with being better. My natural inclination is to beat myself up when I screw up or say something stupid etc. Sure guilt can be a motivator but it sure is a terrible one in my eyes. And we all do it, right? But why, all it's ever done for me is create negativity toward myself. Eventually, a self-loathing... again I ask why? If my thoughts are teaching me to hate myself then eventually I will start to hate others, hard to believe I know but here's how.
Every time I see someone do something that I do that I dislike about myself I get mad at that person. And we all do it, unfortunately most people don't realize they're looking in a mirror. I heard a saying once that I've always found kind of funny but it's true. "If you're surrounded by A..holes, then the real A..hole is you"  Ouch! Hard to hear if you've ever thought that. But take a step back and think about it. We project onto others the things we want to change in ourselves. So next time you get mad at anyone. Stop and think before you say anything to that person. And ask yourself why does this upset me. Sometimes it's tricky, a perfect example happened to me the other day. I was mad at my husband for not doing more around the house. I care not to admit how many times this has angered me in the past. But I couldn't see what this had to do with me because in my mind "I do everything!" (of course this is really not true or fair) So this time I asked myself, "why does this upset me so much?"  My response was "he's lazy" so then I asked myself, "where in my life am I being lazy?"  It quickly became clear there are several areas of my life where I needed to get off my butt and do something. Sometimes certain characteristics are not obvious to us. I certainly don't consider myself lazy because in many ways I'm not. But oh when it comes to those things I don't want to do or I'm afraid to do... well that's a different story. But this is how we not only become better people but also how we start to like ourselves a little bit more. I can't tell you how much better I felt after I realized that. And better yet, I went home kissed my husband and thanked him for all that he does do. Much better than starting a fight or walking around with a chip on my shoulder causing him to wonder what he did to upset me. And I immediately set to work doing one of the things that I had been procrastinating. Thus clearing an energy blockage within myself and allowing more room for divine spirit to fulfill me.
Oh but I said there are a couple reasons didn't I?  Here's the other reason that many have a hard time seeing. WE ARE ALL ONE! We all come from the same divinity. You could say we're all brothers and sisters but really we are all apart of the One, the Creator. I read somewhere once that I though was a beautiful description of this concept. Think of God's light filling up a cup eventually when it's full it starts to overflow and when it does that cup begins to share it's light with others to make room for more divine light. Everytime we share our light and love with others we are allowing our own cups to be refilled. That same light is in us all. We can choose to seek the light that is in others and we will see more light within ourselves. Everytime I critize others I'm critizing myself and for me it was a lot easier to start loving others in order to love myself. Forgiving myself has been a long hard road but worth every minute.

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